Many people struggle with ambivalence, a normal and necessary part of the change process. Life change isn't something that happens quickly or easily for most of us. It often requires small steps to recognize what we really want and whether we are ready to choose it.

If you have acknowledged that a particular behavior is problematic for you, and wish you could change it, but you feel uncertain about how to do it, you are experiencing ambivalence. As you move away from denial toward new awareness, you may linger for a time in ambivalence as a place to rest before taking action. You are no longer content with the status quo, but are still unsure about what to do next. Congratulations! This is great news, because you are moving forward. It may not feel like it, but awareness brings you closer and allows you time to get ready to be successful.

In ambivalence, you are being pulled in two opposite directions—your desire to change and your fear of changing. Fear of change is a common experience and may show up in different ways: fear of something unknown can cause insecurity but also excitement; fear of failure can cause lack of confidence but also motivate you to succeed; and some people fear their choice will not be accepted by their friends or family.

Finding the right balance between not rushing yourself and not staying stuck in inertia is delicate. As you consider your ambivalence, try asking yourself these questions:

• "What would my life be like if I changed?"
• "What are the advantages of the change? Disadvantages of the change?"
• "What strengths do I have that will help me to change?"
• "How important is this change to me?"
• "What would happen if I gave it a trial run?"
• "Who can be a good support person, a change ally?"

Having a sounding board—a nonjudgmental, trusted partner to offer guidance and insights—can be very useful. While a friend or family member might fit the bill, you may find that the objectivity and professional experience of a professional coach offers you a broader, less biased perspective to evaluate your choices.

So, don't worry if you're feeling ambivalent about what to do next. You are likely exactly where you should be in the process of your life. Breathe, relax, and open yourself to the possibilities that lie before you.

Try It:

Try this exercise to explore the pros and cons of change and resolve ambivalence.

Deciding to Change Exercise

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